Dear Sister;
Brothers have stories too so please bear with me and let me tell my
story.
I met my lovely wife 32 years ago. She was my high school sweetheart. Our
union produced seven lovely children all of whom are now grown and living
their separate lives.
My wife and I have had our ups and downs, but with lots of prayers and
communication we carried on.
My wife fell sick about a year ago, she started having fever, diarrhea,
and vomiting and she also had a cold for several weeks. I took her to the
doctor, thinking that she was suffering from food poisoning or that
she was just having a bad case of the flu.
We arrived at the doctor’s office and shortly thereafter she was
examined. She had to take several tests and she was then given orders to
rest and drink plenty fluids.
The doctor told me that she should return in two weeks to see if she had
improved and to find out the results of her tests.
After two weeks we went back and the doctor told us to have a seat
because he needed to talk to us about a serious matter. The doctor informed
us that my wife was HIV positive.
HIV imagine that a 51 year old mother, of seven grown children,
suffering from HIV.
I was shocked into complete silence. I just simply could not believe
what I had just heard from the Doctor.
I told that him that there must be some mistake, that this couldn’t
possibly be my wife’s fate. I was so taken by this news, that I had hardly
paid attention to how all this news was affecting her. In fact, I was
pretty angry with her to say the least and deep down I didn’t care how she
felt, only how I felt.
The doctor, told us that she would need to take a lot of different
medication, and that we should both get some counseling, because she would
need someone strong to care of her, and someone who understood what she was
going through.
I was advised to take an HIV test as soon as possible to determine my
health condition.
I have been faithful to my wife for all the years that we have been living
together. I have not used any type of drugs, I have never had a blood
transfusion, so I was 100% positive that I was not responsible for my wife’s
condition.
To the best of my knowledge, she is not a drug user, and she has not
taken any blood transfusion. This therefore left one question in my mind,
the question of infidelity on the part of my wife.
When we got home, I demanded answers, even though I had no questions. I
guess this generation would say I was acting like a real “jerk”.
My wife remained silent, she accepted my criticisms and rude behavior, and
she acted like the mature one, even though it was she who was faced with
this deadly disease.
I eventually took the HIV test as was advised and the two weeks of
waiting was a living hell for me. When my results came back I was found to
be HIV negative. This made me even more furious.
I returned from the doctor’s office and confronted my wife. I told her
that the result of my test was negative and this is when she started to cry.
All this time she never showed any emotion. She said that she needed to
talk to me and that I should remain calm.
She requested patience and understanding from me. I sat there my Sister,
praying God would give me the strength to understand whatever it was she
wanted to say.
She told me that about ten years ago when we were having some problems
and I had left home for a few months, she began having an affair with
another man for about three months. She said me that she did it out of
spite, and nothing else.
She sat there crying her heart out, trying to make me understand, and my
Sister, I couldn’t, I just couldn’t understand. I never once cheated on my
wife, she was my world.
Like all couples we had our differences from time to time. However, when
things got rough, I would leave and go back to my family’s house and I only
did this because I did not want to abuse my wife in any way.
This new revelation was most devastating to me. Even though she cheated
to hurt me, I never found out, so this new confession tore me to pieces.
This time I called our children, all of them and told them what the
situation was. I told them everything. To my surprise, my four eldest
children knew about their mother’s infidelity but they kept the secret from
me. They did so, according to them, because they did not want to hurt their
Daddy.
After this my Sister, I began to pray I tried to understand and forgive
my wife. I told myself that I had stuck with her for 32 years and I decided
that the least I could do was to stick with her now.
My wife cried everyday, all day, she was embarrassed and ashamed. I tried
to make her understand that she would not be alone and that despite my
initial reaction, I still loved her.
My wife’s health began to deteriorate at a very rapid pace. She died
three weeks ago, six months after she was first diagnosed with AIDS.
In her final days I tried to make her as comfortable and as happy as I
could. We grew to understand each other and in the end I forgave her and
she knew how much I loved and cared for her.
The week after her death I began to feel stressed out and tired so I went
to the doctor for some tests. I received the results yesterday and now I am
HIV positive.
I will try to continue living my life as normal as I can. Each day I feel
my limbs getting weaker and weaker, but my Sister, I am glad I made my wife
happy in her final days.
I shared this story because I wanted these young people to know that
HIV/AIDS has no bounds and limitations. I want them to know that they
should cherish their wives and husbands, and children.
I want everyone to remember that we are all responsible for our action
and the each action has a consequence whether good or bad.
Thank you for this opportunity to tell my story.
Please keep me in your prayers.
Love,
Your Brother*
Permission was acquired to publish this story from:
STANN CREEK STAR
Edition #138 Dated: Sunday, 25th May
2003
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