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03/17/05

San Jose Mercury News

"But we only made one copy," insists Rachel Keller (Naomi Watts), who clearly has more in common with Paris Hilton than she realizes. Because, as The Ring Two begins, multiple copies of that pesky videotape -- you know, the one that kills people who watch it and causes all sorts of water damage in their houses -- are suddenly making the rounds. Who's the bootlegger (and does she charge late fees)? Only the waterlogged ghost Samara -- you know, the one who looks like a cross between Ashlee Simpson and Cousin Itt -- knows the truth. But she's not telling. She's much too busy. Commanding a swarm of computer-generated, steroid-pumped reindeer. Climbing out of bottomless wells. Brooding over the fact that her mother once tried to drown her. You know, busy.

A sequel to the surprise 2002 blockbuster The Ring (itself a remake of a 1998 cult Japanese horror movie titled Ringu), The Ring Two deserves at least a small measure of credit: You normally have to wait until the ninth or 10th movie in a franchise to encounter something this inane, lazy and sheerly contemptuous of its audience. The first movie, directed by Gore Verbinski, may have been incomprehensible junk, but at least it was shot through with spooky atmospherics and striking images. This sequel, directed by Hideo Nakata (who directed the Japanese original), is twice as incomprehensible and -- if such a thing is possible -- three times as dumb.

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