 A year ago, around this time, I remember staying up all night with my brothers, son and my friend Roup. No… we were not drinking, nor partying, nor doing any of those things that a group of guys do when they have a red eye. We were simply preparing for what was to become a great wedding, my great wedding that is. A year earlier, I had promised the ring to a young lady and now I was to keep my word and take action. I felt the lord did not even give me time to catch my breath then, just like I wonder today where did my time go. A year has gone by already. A year of married life. Was it what I expected? Was it like they preach it to you growing up? Was it like the “happily ever after� ending of Hollywood movies, or was it just an unexpected experience in my life?
Well, lets just say that it has been an experience, a life learning experience. For those that have been married for many years, I praise you. You are extremely brave. And for those that are thinking about moving into that direction, I wish you the best of luck in that journey. Come prepared, very prepared, just in case it does not turn out to be like the Hollywood movies.
Now let’s get real with it. Growing up at home, they sugarcoated married life to me, somewhat to what you see in the movies. It was only after I started having conversations with some married friends that I discovered almost every married couple has problems, well at least with the realistic buddies that I have. At times I would ask myself the ultimate question, well if marriage brings about so many difficulties for these guys, how come a great majority of people remain married for a long time? This basic question, lead me to think that somehow marriage has more benefits than disadvantages, otherwise, everyone would join sides with Jennifer Lopez, if you know what I mean.
I will be honest with you, a year ago, as I was preparing for my wedding, I was very nervous. I did not know what to expect. Yes, I had met my fiancée-then for over six years, but at the same time I had heard that you truly don’t know everything about a person until you move-in with them. In spite of this, I kept my hopes very high and I prayed that everything would be alright. I even envisioned all the friends that had told me horror stories about marriage to be exaggerating the situation, just so I wouldn’t jump into van wagon.
August 24, 2002, came and went by before I blinked my eyes and now I understand to a certain extent what it is like to be married. From my own experience, I can tell you that in part it is what I expected, until the unexpected showed up. When things are great, things are great, but when they are bad, it’s like the Iraqi war right in your face and somehow you have to learn to deal with it or alternatively join J-Love’s crew. At times of crisis it’s very easy to say, “I’m getting out of here�, but that’s when you need your true potentials the most.
For me, the biggest problem was the nagging. All of the sudden, being married meant that I could not leave my shoes in the living room, because, my wife would decide that it is not appropriate, and guess what? The nagging would surely follow. If you are like me, I would prefer anything, but the nagging, even being kicked out of the house.
Although it occasionally still happens, we came to terms on the nagging and now it is not much of a problem. In this one miniscule year of marriage, I have also experienced financial and sibling problems. At times siblings affected the decisions we made at home and there is nothing worst than having someone who thinks know better trying to tell you how to run your life, specially if your points of view are very different. I respect any sound advice, but at the end of the day, I like to make my own decision, based on what’s best or works for me not on what works for the other person.
So far it seems like everything has been hell. This is not meant to discourage you from getting married, if you’re not already, it is merely a realistic point of view as to what you may expect, once say “yes I do�.
One year later, I still feel that I married the right person. I have a humble, intelligent and very lovely wife. She’s been there for the great times and difficult times. We have come to learn more of each other in one year than what we did in the six years that we were boyfriends and girlfriends. Now we work on successful projects together to achieve our goals. After all, time does not care about how great the fight was, but only on how much you have accomplished. Looking back, it has been a great year of married life. Our accomplishments have come in a accelerated pace and I would guess that is one of the many great advantages that working together in a marriage has.
I will hold myself accountable to report to you again next year about my married life. In the mean time remember that just like one year went by so fast for me, ten years may go as fast for you. Would you have your goals realized by then? You may say yes now, because ten years look so far away, but think again, ten years can only go as fast as one day at the time and if you are not accomplishing something daily, I will see you in ten years in the same situation you’re in today. See you at the top!
Jorge Garifuna
“Making it happen on daily basis�
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